I Can't Take This Anymore
by markelsparks
Summary: "Ed was at the table slouched in his chair, mostly empty drink in his left hand. Alfons could tell he had had a few too many by the way his right arm was hanging limply at his side. Unfortunately, this was a scene he was all too familiar with. But it wasn't this that stopped Alfons, it was that dammed helmet sitting on the table in front of Ed."
1. Chapter 1

Alfons came back from another tiring day in the warehouse. It was long, but they were getting a lot accomplished faster than they expected. He kicked his shoes off and hung up his coat as he made his way to the kitchen, and when he got there he stopped dead in his tracks.

Ed was at the table slouched in his chair, mostly empty drink in his left hand. Alfons could tell he had had a few too many by the way his right arm was hanging limply at his side. He always had trouble using his prosthetics when he wasn't quite sober. Unfortunately, this was a scene he was all too familiar with. He'd been living with Ed for over a year, and it wasn't too long after he met him that he developed this habit. And honestly, Alfons wasn't too surprised when he did.

Ed had a bad habit of not being able to keep himself grounded in the real world. He was so caught up in that fantasy of his that he would get angry when people would take his stories as any less than realistic. As much as Alfons wanted to get him help, he couldn't say anything. They'd put him away and he'd probably never hear from him again.

But it wasn't this that stopped Alfons, it was that dammed helmet sitting on the table in front of Ed. A few weeks ago, Ed came home late with it tucked under his arm and probably the most genuine look of happiness Alfons had ever seen. Unfortunately, that was short-lived. As the days went on, Ed fell back into his drinking habits, now worse than before. He would sit there for hours on end just staring at the helmet, sometimes talking to it in his foreign tongue. And when he got no response, he would let out a heavy sigh of defeat, downing what was left in his cup and filling it up yet again.

Edward had mentioned a few times that the helmet reminded him of his brother, but sometimes Alfons thought that Ed was convinced it _was_ his brother. He really couldn't figure out how a suit of armor was related, but Alfons had no intention of asking Ed to elaborate, not wanting to encourage him in his warped fantasies.

One of the worst parts about it though was the look in his Ed's as he stared into the hollow eyes of the useless piece of scrap. It was beyond misery, pure loss of hope and loneliness. During the day, Ed would do his best to hide his emotions, blocking everyone out so he 'won't get too attached', as he would put it. But when he was drunk, his eyes were a passage into a chasm of darkness and pain that Alfons had never seen before on someone's face. And although it probably shouldn't, it pissed him off.

The world that Ed always talked about, the life he claimed that he had, was more or less a replica of the life Alfons dreamed of. Ed would go on about how he was well known throughout the country (_I want people to remember my name when I die._), how he would go everywhere with his brother by his side (_My brothers are dead too, but at least I've been able to accept it and move on.*_), how he worked for the state and had a full bank account (_I work for people with power too, but I barely make enough to get by._), how although there were skirmishes around the borders of his country, they weren't much of a big concern (_This whole country is threatened with war, how can you act like it doesn't concern you?!_), and how in a far off country there was a form of "alchemy" that could heal (_Sometimes I wonder if you say these things to mock me._) There could be no place like this that exists, no matter how much Ed wanted to believe. Just thinking about made Alfons' blood boil.

Without even saying anything, Alfons marched up to Ed, non-too gently grabbing the helmet from the table by the tassels with a cool glare. "Why do you even need this?"

Ed didn't seem to notice Alfons was even in the house until Al was snatched from in front of him. His eyes widened, and Alfons could have sworn he saw panic in them. And it just fueled his anger more. As Ed made a clumsy attempt to grab at it with an unintelligible mumbled phrase, he just held it further back away from his reach. The look he got in return was a plea, a look from someone drowning begging him to give back the lifeline. But he wouldn't comply. "Get rid of it, Edward. It's making you sick. "

"Alfons, give him back." His voice was slurred as he tried to stand up to make another grab at it. As he reached for it, Alfons caught his wrist in a tight grip, giving Ed a hard look, voice low and dangerous. "Him? It's a _him_ now?! Dammit, Edward, it's a helmet! How in _hell_ do you see this thing as your _brother_?"

Ed flinched back as Alfons grabbed him. At his harsh voice, he looked between his face and the helmet which Alfons was holding non-too respectfully out of his reach. "Alfons, please!" He was almost begging.

Without lessening his glare, Alfons let go of Ed's wrist allowing him to lunge forward and grab the helmet. Unsteady on his drunken legs, he fell to his knees, pulling it close to his chest as though it were the most precious thing in the world. Alfons wasn't sure if he could take much more of this. Tearing his gaze from the pathetic sight, he went to the bedroom and came down a moment later with a bag. Without looking at him, Alfons walked past Ed who was still on the floor embracing the very thing that seemed to bring him an unknown sadness. Alfons' voice was cold as he went to leave. "I'm staying at Dorchette's tonight." As he closed the door behind him, he could swear he heard Ed apologizing and making empty promises to his "brother" in what he called his native tongue.

Notes:

*In my headcannon, Alfons had two older brothers, similarly to as Alphonse did: Ed and Envy (at least Envy was his half-brother in FMA '03). The person I often RP with decided that Alfons' family was killed in an air raid to explain why he lived by himself, and I decided to stick with that idea.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: There seems to be some confusion about who Dorchette is. (He was a very minor character after all, so it makes sense.) He was the dog chimera in Greed's Devil Nest gang, the one with the sword. Greed's gang also make avery brief appearance in CoS as their parallel selves in Alfons' rocketry team. And because I'm a sucker for minor characters, I just really wanted to use him.**

After a while of venting, Dorchette convinced Alfons (or more like threatened him) to go find Ed and try to work something out. This wasn't the first time Alfons stayed the night at his place to get a break from his roommate, and while Dorchette didn't mind, he didn't think Alfons should have to be trying to get away from Ed.

"Look, if he's that depressed and does this kinda stuff all the time, there's no telling what he might do. You can't just walk out on him like that. I mean, yeah it sound frustrating as hell, but he's your roommate, you know?"

Alfons just sighed, leaning his head on the back of the couch. "Dorchette, you know how he gets. There's no reasoning with him, especially when he's drunk. I mean, ok so maybe he does have a brother somewhere else. But if that's the case, then he should actually do something about it instead of just sitting around in his little dream world and moping all the time! I mean, for God's sake, he's completely obsessed with him!" He let out another dramatic huff.

"Jeez, just cool it for a sec, will ya? Listen, Alfons. Maybe this isn't as complicated as you're making it out to be."

Alfons looked like he was about to snap at him, so Dorchette cut him off before he could. "Just hear me out, ok?" He waited until Alfons gave him a slight nod, though still looking annoyed. "Good. Ok, so I've heard him tell his stories, I know you've heard them plenty of times. But think about it, even if most of the stuff he says doesn't make much sense, he's still been through a hell of a lot of shit. His dad walked out when he was a kid, then his mother died, something happened to his brother, he two of his limbs, and then his father left again not too long ago. I mean, c'mon, that's a lot to deal with."

Alfons still didn't look convinced. "I haven't exactly had an easy time either, you know. And you don't see me acting like that."

Dorchette gave him a disapproving look. "You gonna let me finish or what?" He took the silence as a 'go-ahead.' "Thank you. Now listen, Just cuz you can deal with that sorta stuff doesn't mean he can. Have you tried just talking to him? I mean, does he even know about what happened to your family? Maybe he just needs someone who can relate." He knew it was a gamble bringing up what happened to Alfons' family, but if it would help him and Ed get along better, then it'd be worth a try.

"He's told you probably more about himself then he ever told anyone else. You know how likes to keep that stuff to himself. Maybe he tells you all this cuz he trusts you. And then, what, you just get pissed off and shove him away? No wonder why he's acting like this." Guilt-tripping Afons wasn't something he enjoyed doing, but after watching his and Ed's friendship deteriorate, he really couldn't think of what else to do to get Alfons to try to help Ed instead of just become increasingly frustrated with him.

And he knew he got to him by the somber way Alfons was looking down at his folded hands. As bad as Dorchette felt about it, he knew sometimes Alfons could be stubborn and needed a little more than a gentle push. He spoke softer, "C'mon, go talk to Ed. You're the only one he's got now."

With a nod and a heavy sigh, Alfons stood up and grabbed his bag as he made his way back to the door he entered not too long ago. "Sometimes I really hate you, Dorchette."

He gave a light laugh, knowing it was Alfons' way of telling him he was right. "Yea, I know. It's what I do."

* * *

When he arrived back at his apartment, Alfons dropped his bag by the front door. "Edward?" He didn't hear him anywhere, but there was always the possibility he just mellowed out or passed out. Sometimes he was so quiet he couldn't believe it was even the same Edward.

"Edward?" He did a quick search through the house but wasn't able to find him anywhere. There wasn't any place to hide, since the apartment was so small. After calling out again and still getting no response, he realized he didn't see the helmet anywhere either. /_Oh my god, don't tell me he left_.

He quickly left the apartment, almost forgetting to lock the door behind him, which Ed clearly had. Before rushing out he asked Gracia if Edward was for some reason with her at the moment, not at all surprised to find he wasn't. _Shit. He could be anywhere._ He briefly explained to Gracia what was happening before taking off in a sprint.

He knew he shouldn't be running, especially not at night when the air was colder. He had enough trouble breathing as it was. But he was beyond worried. He and Ed had gotten into these sorts of arguments before, but he always found Ed passed out on the kitchen table on his bed the next morning. He never ran off before, and in the state he was in, there was no way this would end well.

**AN: I really wanted to fit Dorchette in here. Even though he was such a minor character, he's still my favorite and I love using alt!Dorchette in my RPs as Alfons' older brother figure. I'm still working on what to do with Ed, so instead of making everyone wait forever, I figured this would be a good place to end this chapter while I make up my mind.**


End file.
